For those that don't know, a back story helps you in your performance by giving your character a past, some weight, some substance. Actually it not only helps your performance but helps your fellow cast mates know how to interact with you when on stage. I have two characters to worry about this time so I will tackle them both in separate postings (and may revise every now and then). Here we go:
OLD MAN STRONG -
My real name is Robert Strong III. I changed it to Joseph for reasons you'll learn later on in my story. Before the stink years and the proceeding depression, I was a somebody. Not a somebody like that famous actor that got the Lifetime Achievement Oscar the last year they held the Academy Awards - what was his name? Oh yeah, Will Farrell - but a somebody that was strong, walked with his head tall and everyone knew they could trust. I was a professor of Political Science and I loved my job. I first became a professor around the time George W. Bush was in his sixth "term" (more on that later). I was young and ambitious and we had plenty to talk about. After all, we now know that his administration is primarily to blame for the environmental disasters that led the world to where we are today - I mean, come on! What man in his right mind authorizes corporations to melt the glaciers because they wanted to bottle the water and sell it at exclusive retail outlets around the world? And then came the move to "heat up the waterways around Texas to discourage illegals from swimming across them to enter the country - STUPID ASS, but I digress.
I met Josephine my second year of teaching... she was a cafeteria lady and I had the hots for her taco (Literally. They were REALLY spicy). Everyday I would go in and order my lunch and everyday we would flirt back and forth (nothing big - just the tongue between the fingers and her asking me if I liked my wiener wet or dry, you know... innocent flirting). So one night I'm in my office grading essays debating the pros and cons of the Great Iraq War and I decided I strongly needed a snack. So I made my way towards the cafeteria and the line of vending machines that surround the main eating area. I was deciding between Nutter Butters or the Oreo flavored flavored Doritios, when I heard a crash come from kitchen. Naturally I got curious so I peeked my head in and saw Josephine standing in the middle of the room covered in some sort of red sauce from head to toe. I casually said, as I was laughing, "You look like a tampon on a really strong flow day" - let me explain, I tend to not sensor words well and it was the first thing that came to mind. We both started laughing hysterically and I grabbed a paper towel and started helping her clean up. As she was wiping her apron with a towel, it started clinging to her bosom and I was transfixed. She caught me watching and next thing I know, we are going at it on the floor and we were completely covered in her sauce. Hot, strong and tasty I must say
For awhile we kept our rendezvous' a secret - you see Josephine was supposed to be dating the meat delivery man and I couldn't afford for my reputation to be tarnished with such a torrid affair. Eventually it all came out in the open and I was threatened with my job if it continued so we organized students, teachers and janitors alike to protest the school's "class system" that had been in place since most of the "non-faculty jobs" were filled black people. Needless to say we won (after a few car bombings and a couple of broken knees that just coincidentally happened to all of the delivery men trying to enter the campus and some strong words finger painted on poster board).
Flash forward to our wedding... We were so happy. I had quit teaching because we both found such joy in organizing the protest at the college, and we became active members of QFUOE (Quit Fucking Up Our Environment). At first we started out like any peaceful organization did - PETA, Green Peace, The Church of Scientology - but like all those before us, we soon found ourselves in a war that strongly demanded violence and we were up for the challenge. I soon became the leader of our little organization (now 2 million strong) and we fought with all our might to stop the environmental policies that were quickly degrading our natural resources... especially the water. All this time Josephine and I were determined to bring a baby into this world (rule number one of the QFUOE was that we breed our own followers - much like the Catholic Church). Unfortunately, as hard as we tried, a baby was not in our future.
We had pretty much given up on the idea of a child until one day we got lucky; Bush had declared himself dictator of the U.S in 2008 (in the name of terrorism) and a few years after we made one of our strongest statements yet - damming Niagara Falls with the dead bodies of all the arctic animals that had died due to the change in their environment up north - he declared the QFUOE enemies of the state. We moved under ground and relied strongly on Guerrilla Warfare to affect change in our world. We were down in Texas, trying to strategically place explosives along its border so that if we blew them all at the right time, the state itself would break off from the US and float away, when we met Lashondra. She was a young black woman who had once been one of the strongest writers in Bush's Propaganda Core (formerly known as the Press Core) when she slept with a young, strong, black intern and got pregnant. Since Bush had outlawed all breeding of "brown skinned people" because he was convinced that excessive melanin in your body meant you were strongly predisposed to being a terrorist, she had to go on the lamb. She joined QFUOE and became one of our best members. Time came for her to have the baby and apparently word had spread that the first black child in several years was going to be born, so Bush ordered every baby darker than the Crayola color "peach" to be killed and he also offered a bounty of 500 gallons of fresh glacier water to the person or persons who brought the body of the baby to him. Lashondra gave birth to a strong, beautiful baby boy and just as the cord was being cut the perimeter alarms went off. Josephine rushed the baby to safety, at Lashondra's request, just in time. A scud hit the make-shift hospital tent and killed her instantly.
It was the happiest day of our lives! We had a baby! We named him Robert Strong IV and we were the first family of QFUOE. After a close call one day (we were playing softball in the QFUOE Inter-league and Josephine slid into home and was declared out), Josephine got fed up with QFUOE (she was very competitive) and demanded that we retire. That day all of the world markets crashed on the news that the ocean had dropped in level another 2.5 feet that year and that the Nile River was being renamed - the Nile Creek. The low water levels caused raw sewage to stay in the sewers undiluted and every town smelled like Bourbon Street in New Orleans after Mardi Gras.
Over the next years it got bad. Bush was eventually overthrown and a new "democracy" was sponsored by a big corporation - Microsoft. Senators were reinstated according to economic levels of their area and campaign finance reform was a thing of the past. He who raised the most money got the office. The QFUOE was disbanded because we had obviously failed and Josephine, Bobby (thats what we called our son) and I moved to a small town in one of the poorest neighborhoods. I changed my name at this point, but it didn't work. I was on the list - the same list all the Grateful Dead fans were on in the 1960's. One day the armed guard came to our house and ripped out all of our plumbing and bathroom fixtures because the world was running low on water... all except Sweden. I could only get the lowest paying jobs around because of my rebel past (in fact I was kept under watchful eye) and we barely scraped by, but we were happy. It was announced that we would have to pay usage fees for water, including going to the bathroom and at first the costs were strongly based on your income level. The government was soon overwhelmed and they decided to contract out the administration of the utilities to corporations and the bidding war began. Money exchanged hands. Promises were made and the "strong arms" came out on top. In our region it was Urine Good Company. I eventually got very ill (Nitrate-itus) and could no longer work and by this time Bobby was old enough to get a job and he luckily got on with UGC as a toilet attendant. Josephine and I still reminisce about our rebel days and by cracky if I were strong enough I would lead another revolution to stop this insanity.
By the way, if you see Bobby, don't tell him any of this. We haven't told him about his mom and her brave past... we said she was a hooker in a brothel down in Brazil (we thought it'd be easier on him that way). Just go along with whatever story he tells you. Viva La Urethra!
And that was Old Man Strong. Now you can go back to surfing for porn!
HBH
No comments:
Post a Comment